Beautiful

A few years ago I was increasing my focus on self-improvement.  I was interested in becoming more beautiful to my Savior.  Whenever I work on developing my talents I’m motivated by the desire to draw closer to Him.  That’s the reason I want to be the best I can possibly be.  I know “sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven” (“Praise to the Man”).  If you read my blog regularly you know that for me sacrifice includes finding greater balance in my physical body, eliminating the fat, increasing the muscle mass and flexibility so that I am healthy and fit.  It’s about disciplining my body against my natural woman's desires. Avoid junk food, treats, and overeating.  Exercise within my zone consistently—not too little, but not too much either.  Get enough water and rest.  Keep the commitments I make.  Take time every day to shower, get dressed, put on my make up, do my hair.  Spend time studying the scriptures and then figuring out how to apply the principles I’m reading about to all my relationships. I know that in the past when I have consistently engaged in this sacrifice process I have become acutely aware of the presence of the Lord in my life.  That’s what I want.

“I believe when a woman chooses to have Christ at the center of her own heart, at the nucleus of her personal world, she brings the Lord into the core of her home and family, be it a family of one or a family of many.” ~Anne C. Pingree

“The unmarried woman [and the married woman!] careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit:” ~1 Corinthians 7:34

“This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.” ~Galations 5:16-17

Looking Beyond the Mark
So I had been working on this and making pretty good progress.  I was striving to keep these commitments daily.  But it never fails that whenever I increase my sacrifice level, temptation conversely increases.  I am tempted to look for other forms of evidence (besides the Mark--my proximity to the Lord) that things are really improving.  I am tempted to compare myself to others to see how beautiful I’m really becoming.  It’s almost unconscious. That year, when I was working on physical self-improvement, I was also working on spiritual self-improvement so I didn’t fully accept the temptations but it took me a little bit of time to identify them for what they were and then make an active decision to kick them out of my head.  

I went to a women’s conference at BYU in Provo, Utah with my best friends from high school. Thousands of women come annually from all over to attend this event.  As I was walking around campus, I could not help but notice there were so many beautiful women!  “What the heck?” a voice in my head said.  “It looks like you will never win.”  I began to think I was nothing compared to these other women, both physically and spiritually.  The tempter then pointed out other women to me who appeared to be presently losing the battle of the bulge or were further back in their journey in some other way and suggested that I compare myself to them to feel better about my results.  All this was semi-unconscious.  

“And [the devil] saith unto [Jesus], All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.” ~Matthew 4:9

“Please, my beloved brothers and sisters, we must stop comparing ourselves to others. We torture ourselves needlessly by competing and comparing. We falsely judge our self-worth by the things we do or don’t have and by the opinions of others. If we must compare, let us compare how we were in the past to how we are today—and even to how we want to be in the future. The only opinion of us that matters is what our Heavenly Father thinks of us. Please sincerely ask Him what He thinks of you. He will love and correct but never discourage us; that is Satan’s trick.” ~Elder J. Devn Cornish

Resolving Conflicts
When I got home from the conference, I went for a long walk. I like to pray when I’m walking and discuss whatever I’m in conflict about with the Lord. The topic of this prayer was beauty and value.  I could feel His censure for the comparison thoughts I had had.  When I entertained them I felt more distant from him. I separated myself from the thoughts and asked him how I was supposed to be the best I could possibly be when it was evident that I was never going to be as beautiful as some women. Those were just the facts. Genetically I have been given certain limitations. I’m never going to be model-perfect. In short (no pun intended), I’m never going to be Miss America no matter how balanced I can become. Spiritually, we can all become beautiful like Christ because of his atonement but our community doesn't seem to value the quieter gifts of God, so why even try?

The answer I received was that beauty, in His eyes, wasn’t determined by my beauty as it compared to some arbitrary standard. He was not holding up Miss America or Miss High-powered Career Psychologist and expecting me to rival these women. But he did want me to continue striving for my personal physical and spiritual best. Seeking to become the spiritual master of my body is of God. Consistently living that way, as well as the results from that kind of living, please him.  A healthy fit body and a clear and intelligent mind are good indicators that we are successfully caring and developing the talents God has given us. However, I understood that he wanted me to master my self-perception while I was working on developing my talents. I needed to face questions like: Did I play the pride and envy game? Did I only think I could be my best when I thought I was better than others? Was I motivated and conversely deflated by comparing my level of beauty and talent to others’?

The desire to know we are valuable is a good thing. Comparing myself to others to assess my value was where I was getting off track. Sister Julie B. Beck said it well in the following quote:

“Good women always have a desire to know if they are succeeding. In a world where the measures of success are often distorted, it is important to seek appreciation and affirmation from proper sources. To paraphrase a list found in Preach My Gospel, we are doing well when we develop attributes of Christ and strive to obey His gospel with exactness. We are doing well when we seek to improve ourselves and do our best. We are doing well when we increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek out and help others who are in need. We know we are successful if we live so that we qualify for, receive, and know how to follow the Spirit. When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us. Peace, joy, and hope are available to those who measure success properly.” ~Julie B. Beck

Two Kinds of Beauty
There are two kinds of beauty; balancing them is the key. The first is to fulfill my responsibility to take care of myself physically and spiritually. I nourish my talents and strengthen them. Spiritual balance is derived from striving for physical balance within my zone.  The Lord lets me know when he is pleased with my results. When my awareness of his presence increases, I know he is pleased. My task after returning from the women's conference was to put my trust in that reward and form of validation. I needed to let go of the constant question in my mind: Am I good enough?

He wanted me to stop the comparisons altogether, to remove myself from the picture, and focus on the beauty of others when I was with them. My own goals and results are judged separately from theirs. When I am among other people, it is not the time to think about myself, my beauty, my talents. It is time to forget myself and use those talents to love and uplift others. For example, when I read books by Jane Austen or Georgette Heyer, I love them! They are brilliant. I am so thankful for their existence. If they didn't develop the talents they did and share them with us, I would not have the joy of reading them. The same is true with Amy Grant and her music. I've been singing her songs (with her) in my kitchen, in the car, and on my walks for years. She has been such a source of strength for me. Her music has helped me through many tough times. I am so thankful for her! If I can love these women and admire their talents, can I not love other women of talent who I associate with more closely?  

My responsibility is to let them know that I appreciate them.  If they look beautiful, act beautiful, or demonstrate beautiful in any way, I am to praise it, be thankful for it, and admire it. When I do, I feel love for them. They actually become a treat for me to see, associate with, listen to, and evaluate. When love flows inside my heart, I feel the Savior’s presence at an intensity level that brings me joy.

“If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” ~Article of Faith 13

Timing and Accountability
I evaluate my results privately with my Savior during our prayer meetings in which we review and report on my commitments. Value is assessed by the commitments I have kept compared to the commitments I have made. It is assessed by how much I’m actually implementing what I know to be true. It’s assessed by how much I’m receiving compared with how much I’m sacrificing. The more I sense the presence of the Lord in my daily life, the less I need to turn to other sources for my comfort and validation. Looking to conflicting sources for my validation is taking his name in vain. The more he is with me, the higher my level of accountability.

“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.” ~Deuteronomy 5:11

“None of us will ever be 'good enough,' save through the merits and mercy of Jesus Christ, but because God respects our agency, we also cannot be saved without our trying. That is how the balance between grace and works works.” ~Elder J. Devn Cornish

Opportunity Costs
I realize that I can’t progress in the development of my spiritual and physical talents if I judge myself and others with pride and envy. I can't use this form of judgment to assess my value or motivate myself to be better. Judging like this prevents me from being able to love from my heart. Instead, I experience hatred for others. And when I hate, I don’t like myself very much. The Lord cannot be with me when I hate. Rather than develop my talents to higher levels, I would rather plateau and retain my charity—His presence. The challenge becomes stripping myself of all pride and envy thoughts, words, and actions, which are blocking my awareness of my true value.

See: Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Love your Workout WHILE you're Working Out

I know this is radical thinking in a day and age where the majority of gyms and programs advocate kick-butt workouts.  I suggest that in order to continue in these types of workouts we HAVE TO think certain prideful and envious thoughts that are not conducive to long-term health.  Neither are they conducive to Sustainable Joy in our relationships. 

A few years ago when I was teaching fitness classes, I would end up with a headache by the end of the day.  Even though I was keeping the level of my heart rate within my appropriate age-range AND I felt just fine DURING the workout, my Results indicated that I was working out way too hard.

Exercise-induced Headaches

 I went to doctors, tried out medications, energy and electrolyte drinks, and all kinds of different resolution processes but could not change my Results.  I realized I was working beyond my Northwest Threshold.

 

Northwest Threshold:  The Strengthening Process

Northwest is an adjective I use to name the concept of running faster than we have strength, pushing ourselves too hard, going way overboard in our sacrifice process whether it is exercising, serving, or doing anything.

We have to process.  That is our verb.  It's what we do.  Overdoing it is processing in the Northwest.  Underdoing it is processing in the Northeast.

But when our Desire is to increase our physical strength, we know we need to push our body beyond what is comfortable.  Pushing it too far results in injury.  Not pushing it hard enough results in atrophy.  Each of us individually has our own Threshold. When we find it and engage in it continuously increased strength is our Result.

To obtain long-term physical fitness, we can identify our Threshold using standardize heart rate formulas and then monitor our heart rate during exercise by pulse checks or by wearing a heart rate monitor.  These numeric evaluations assist us in identifying our General Threshold. But we may have some specific health issues that require us to exercise at a lower or higher intensity than the average person our age, weight, and resting heart rate.  This is when we can rely on Perceived Exertion.

See:  http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/borg-scale/

I first learned about Perceived Exertion as a fitness instructor.  But I always struggled with having enough faith in its accuracy.  I could push myself pretty hard and feel fine during the workout.  Yet the headache at the end of the day kept telling me my Perceived Exertion rating was not accurate.

I have come to rely on a different type of Perceived Exertion.  Instead of focusing on a Pain Threshold, I have learned to focus on a Joy Threshold.  How much am I enjoying this?

Here’s how I find it:  I have thoughts come into my mind when I’m working out.  When I’m in my Northwest Threshold, I’m thinking “Life is good!  I love exercising.”  I feel strong, motivated, energized.  Exercising with good friends increases the Joy factor. Since my favorite friend is Jesus Christ, I basically engage in prayer and listen to his responses during my workouts.  This communication process is maximized when I’m within my Northwest Threshold.

Beyond Our Threshold

When I go too hard, my thoughts change.  “When is this going to be over?  How much time do I have left?  Oh, I don’t really like doing this.  I don’t feel too good.”  I feel stressed and weak.  I start thinking about what pleasures I can have after I’m done. Eating, taking a bath, resting.  My mind is preoccupied with the short-term future.  I’m living too much for the future and not enough in the present.

When my will is not in it, exercising ceases to be a LONG-TERM strengthening process.  I’m just getting through it.  It’s true I’ll burn the calories this time and that’s beneficial.  But I’m not establishing a good habit.   

Good habits are sealed by the experience of Joy.  When I’m exercising within my Northwest Threshold, I feel that Joy.  And I remember it.  And so I look forward to the next time I get to exercise.  Long-term habit and thus long-term health is promoted.

Relocating to:  Beyond NW Threshold  

Listen:  "Popular" from the Broadway play Wicked

Here are the thoughts I HAVE TO think if I work out beyond my Northwest Threshold continuously:  “I work harder than other people.  I’m going to get so fit that everyone will love me.  I’ve got to catch up to Jane Jones over there.  She’s way ahead of me.  My rear end is so large compared to Susie’s.  Or my waistline is more narrow than that woman’s.  I look good because I exercise this hard.  I am well loved because of how good I look.  The people at [work, church, neighbors, etc.] will think I’m hot.  And that means they love.  If I’m not hot now, I will be.  I’ll show them.  They will all love me when I’m skinny and fit!  I am not well loved because of how overweight and unfit I am.”  We pave the real joy we would otherwise feel with a parking lot of pride and envy.

Listen:  "Big Yellow Taxi" by Amy Grant

I remember when I was going to Yoga classes that these kinds of thoughts were automatic and involuntary.  I mean I didn’t consciously decide to think them.  They were just there.  I saw some people who couldn’t touch their toes and thought, “Look how well I can touch mine.  I must be better than them.”  And then I felt good about myself.  I saw some people who could do unsupported handstands for a LONG TIME and I couldn’t.  I thought, “Someday I will be able to do that.  Then I will be as good as them.  People will admire me like I’m admiring them.  When I can do that, I’ll be of greater value.”

There is truth to these thoughts.  If I can touch my toes I have a talent.  If toe-touching flexibility is required in a certain situation, I would be your go-to girl.  I can help!  And that makes me feel good.  It is a strength in which I use to serve others.  But if I don’t think that the purpose of my strengths is to help others and instead think that they have stand-alone-do-nothing-to-help-others value, they are really pretty useless and therefore not valuable.  They are vain.

Read and Listen:  "Me Without You" by TobyMac

Think about the reasons you love the people you do.  What are they?  Does the fact that someone else can do an unsupported handstand longer than you ever strengthened the bonds of love in your relationship with that person?

This Alternate Perception can get in the way of Perceived Exertion (Paving Paradise).  And when it does we end up past our Northwest Threshold with injury or some other chronic condition.  I know because I’ve been there.  It actually distracts us from being able to sense the Effects that define our Northwest Threshold.  And overtime, as we continually ignore the warning Effects, we become numb to them.  So we can no longer accurately perceive our exertion!  We inaccurately identify running faster than we have strength as our Northwest Threshold.  We depend on those pride thoughts for our happiness and the envious ones for our motivation.

So what if we have this Alternate Perception as a habit.  We’re already numb to Perceived Exertion.  How do we get out of it?  How can we regain sensitivity to the true physical and spiritual Effects that define most accurately our Northwest Threshold?

What happens to your thoughts when you exercise at TOO LITTLE intensity?

How do you feel?

What do you do to compensate?

What thoughts come into your mind to prevent you from increasing your intensity?  What thoughts do you HAVE TO think in order to continue exercising beyond your Northeast Threshold (exercising below your capacity)?

When do you notice these thoughts coming automatically or involuntarily to your mind?

I tried to answer these questions about my own Northeast Threshold and Imbalance but found this is still a relative mystery to me.  I need to take more time to study it.  If you respond to these questions, it will accelerate my understanding.

ADD & Nutrition

Written with Aaron's permission

“Your choice of diet profoundly influences your long-term health prospects….Many older people suffer from debilitating conditions that could have been largely prevented had they known and applied the nutrition principles of today.  The chronic diseases—heart disease, diabetes, some kinds of cancer, dental disease, and adult bone loss—all have a connection to poor diet.  These diseases cannot be prevented by a good diet alone…Within the range set by your genetic inheritance, however, the likelihood of developing these diseases is strongly influenced by your food choices” (Nutrition, Concepts and Controversies, 10th ed., Ch 1 “Food Choicesand Human Health,” pg 3).

 

Once I learned how to apply this concept spoken of in this quote to my own health problems, I began teaching it to my kids.  If any of them began to have a longer term physical or mental health issue, I wanted to first eliminate the possibility that the cause was diet-related.  My theory was that if we could zero out this possible cause, we would then see the other causes more clearly.  It was like casting out whatever beam might be in our eye or that which was within our control so we could see more clearly the mote of inherited disease that might be out of our control  (Matthew 7:3-5).   And even if the cause was hereditary, I knew that eating and exercising so that the body could achieve its optimal balance could only reduce the severity of undesired symptoms.

This turned out to be more difficult than I thought because before I learned to eat more healthy, I both ate and served my family the average American diet.  I trained them to eat that way from when they were little and then had to retrain them to eat in a better way when they got older.  It was like that scene from Spiderman 2 where he was trying to stop a train.

I wanted to stop the train of consequences I saw were already being played out in my family.   I didn’t want them to have to learn the hard way like I did (see blog post “Anxiety and Depression”).  Knowing the effect that overeating treats had on me, I was trying to warn them of impending destruction!  But it was often times like fighting a battle against the very people I was trying to save.

Insert around 5th Grade

I saw that after my kids OD-ed on treats, every one of them lost much of their ability to control their response process to everyday conflicts which was exactly what I experienced when I did the same.  Once Chris, my second, got some extra money.  He bought a box of fruit roll-ups, his attempt at compromising with me in choosing a healthy snack.  But he ate the whole box in a few hours.  Later that day we were at the church in the gym and he had a TOTAL MELTDOWN.  He was beside himself.  An average run-of-the-mill kid-conflict had arisen that he normally could handle.  But he had temporarily lost the conflict-resolution skills he normally had.  

 

It was hard to figure out what amount of treats was moderate and what was too much.  I found the balance by evaluating how much they ate vs. their behavior afterwards.

Needless to say, my kids didn’t see what I saw and I ended up with a pretty good rebellion on my hands.  The rest of the world seems to have no boundaries for treats for kids.  The philosophy appears to be that if the kid isn’t gaining excess fat, let him eat as much as he wants.  So I wasn’t only trying to stop the habits I had instilled in my kids but also the influence of the whole train of our society’s tradition that is still running at full speed along the tracks.

  

Aaron 7th Grade

In the middle of the aforementioned throws of diet change, my oldest son, Aaron, was officially diagnosed ADD by a medical doctor when he was in middle school.  A tween is never going to have totally balanced behavior.  But when Aaron showed escalating signs of not being able to respond in relative balance to the situations and conflicts that came his way, we decided to evaluate him a little more extensively.  Maybe this was one of those “chronic diseases” that couldn’t be prevented by diet alone?

 But Aaron did not want to take pills and resented the diagnosis even though he acknowledged his symptoms.   So I made a deal with him.  “Let’s do an experiment.  You eat how I’ve taught you to eat for 2 weeks.  No junk food.  No caffeinated soda.”   Caffeinated soda at that time was available at school from the vending machines in the hall!  But the middle schools around here have since got rid of those.  Thank heaven!  

See Blog Post: "Eating Healthy"

The plan was then for Aaron, Sherm, and me to evaluate how this change in diet affected his response process, how he felt, how he was able to think, etc.  If he was able to regain his normal balance by eating this way, he wouldn’t have to take the medication.

He readily agreed.  And I was secretly happy at this opportunity to show him (without nagging) how much his food choices were affecting him.  Yay!

I was pretty impressed with him over the next two weeks.  He reigned himself in and ate only what I gave him for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  When he ate snacks, they were what we had in the pantry.  It was a beautiful sight!  And sure enough, his ability to handle conflict returned to normal.

When we got together for our 2 week meeting, I asked him how he felt with the diet change.  He told me that he noticed a difference.  He was able to concentrate better at school, think through his choices, and felt better all around.  I asked him about his commitment from here on out.  He said that he was going to focus on getting the nutrition his body needed, eat treats in moderation, and stop drinking the caffeinated soda.  Together we determined how we would moderate that.  If the behavior started to return, we would know that he needed to decrease the treats.

He agreed.

That was about 9 years ago.  Over the years I’ve watched him.  He has kept his commitment.  Not all the time but most of the time and to the level of his own understanding.  I saw him repeatedly reign himself in and actually request healthy foods.  He is by nature an intense personality with a lot of energy.  When focused, which he has managed to do pretty well, he is a powerful influence for good.

He has made this concept of balance his own.  Not because his mom advocated it (since that’s usually reason to rebel against it) but because it is a true principle and he found that out through his own experimentation. 

I have learned that the best way to retrain kids is slowly--going easy on them but being consistently firm.  I have advocated treats in moderation and making changes in steps.  That is hard for me because once I understand a true principle, I want to take a bee line to aligning my choices with it.  Kids aren’t so into bee lines.  And turns out I make more lasting changes when I take it in steps too.

with Mom (left), with Lindsey Newman (center)

Elder Aaron Langford, with Elder Yu (left)

Here is something he wrote recently of his own volition and with the hope to demonstrate the vision of the Boston, MA Digital Mission.  It is not directly related to the point I’m writing about here but it demonstrates the strong will in this particular child and his continued ability to evaluate the past to make sense of the present, and prepare for the future.

Food Addiction

What is Addiction?  

What makes a continuous relationship with a substance bad?  What makes it good?

I am addicted to healthy foods, to balanced exercise, and to the people and the activities that bring me continuous joy.  I don't ever want to have to end those relationships.  There is bondage and there are bonds of love.  There are bad habits and there are good habits.  Deciding which are which is a crucial conjunction.

The main reason I set goals is to create habits, abilities, talents.  I figure out the abilities I would like to develop and then go to work establishing them.  Developing a habit is like forging a pathway through a field of grass that I've never walked through before.  The first time I walk through it I may bend some blades of grass down.  When I look back I can see a faint trail.  With continuous traversing, the pathway is formed.  Over time I may lay down concrete or even build bridges over chasms to make the journey more efficient.  Habits make completing difficult or mundane responsibilities easier, faster, and more enjoyable.

Good habits are like symbiotic relationships.

Bad habits are like parasitic relationships.

I have found that I develop habits both with good foods and with bad foods.  So a food's "addictive" nature is not reason enough for me to avoid it.  I AM dependent on food.  No getting around that.  But I WANT to be addicted to healthy food.  I don't want the person who I purchase the food from to "benefit at my expense."  I don't want to be "exploited" or to become habitually involved with a substance that "gives nothing in return" in the end AND requires nothing or very little in return from me up front.  When choosing the foods I eat, I have to consider what I call its Paradoxical Result to determine whether its nature is symbiotic or parasitic. 

Paradoxical Results

Parasitic food starts out way easy to prepare--go to the store, see it ostentatiously displayed, saliva glands start working, buy it, eat it, yum!  Then I pay attention to what happens afterwards.  Next day I want it again.  My regular food doesn't taste as good and I'm not satiated with my daily allotment of calories.  I want to eat MORE!  My appetite increases even though my activity level stays the same.  I consider this bondage because I don't want to eat that much yet I want to eat that much!  It is a conflict of interest happening inside me.  Psychologists may call this a conflict between my Superego and Id.  The scriptures would call it a conflict between my spirit and body or natural [wo]man.

So I need to resolve it.  Which should I listen to?  Is there a balance between them?

I have determined my answer through experimental reasoning.  If I go ahead and partake of the parasitic food and yield to my new level of appetite, my ability to remain balanced in the face of my children's emotional swings, irritating behaviors, etc. is compromised.  And over time my sensitivity to the feelings of peace and energy I receive in my most cherished relationships is reduced (see blog post "Anxiety and Depression").  I feel numb to those treasured feelings; I physically gain weight.  I start looking around for more intense things to make me happy....and treats are always readily available!  But I need increasingly more over time.  For me, this is bondage and I have to get out.

Physical vs. Spiritual Appetites

When I eat food to satisfy my spiritual needs, I'm ab-using it, which basically means I'm using it in the wrong way.  Yeah, it's there and I'm seemingly free to choose to use it however I want but I'm not free to choose the Paradoxical Results.  They are inherently attached.  I’ve tested that one out.

Howard Jones: “No One Is to Blame”

In the past this has been pretty depressing. I took the frowny-face view: "I can't have it.  It's not fair.  It's the only thing that makes me happy.  I can't find happiness in any other way."

But then I found the good news.  This wasn't the only way.  There was a better one and it had sustainability without all the bad side effects.  

Para-Symbiotic Relationships

This is that better way:  When I’m emotionally compromised I turn to a trusted individual for empathy and support or for challenge and excitement.  Not to food.  This person is on my side, defending me when I've been seriously hurt.  But after I've calmed down, feel safe, know I'm loved, I'm ready to evaluate what happened.  I want answers.  How can I resolve that conflict?  How can I avoid getting into a situation like that again?  What part of it was my responsibility?  How can I learn from this?  What do I need to change and what should I hold steadfast? 

It’s not symbiosis because I am reliant upon my host more than he is on me.  I have less to offer.  But it’s not parasitism either because of my promise.  I don’t take his help and do nothing of myself.  I use the strengths that I have to do all that I can do.  I promise that when I am stronger, I will behave as he did to me to those who need me.

2 Nephi 25:23

James 2:20

For lack of finding a word that describes this relationship, I will call it Para-Symbiosis. 

Bonds of Love are the Paradoxical Results of choosing to eat food for what it was intended and choosing to turn to a real person in a real relationship when I am emotionally compromised.  Within these bonds I have grown, progressed, and overcome bad habits that have seemed impossible to overcome.

  

Experimental Reasoning Conclusions

So after many years of experimenting and reasoning with the results, I have formed a conclusion:

A lack of a Para-Symbiotic Relationship with a trusted individual causes me to reach out to parasitic substances for peace and energy.

AND

Parasitic substances clog up the ability to establish that Para-Symbiotic Relationship that would otherwise return increasing intensities of sustainable peace and energy over time.  This leaves me in bondage.

Sinéad O'Connor:  "Nothing Compares 2 U"

These conclusions assist me in coming up with a resolution process for the conflict between my Superego and my Id, my spirit and my body:

Incrementally decrease the treats in my diet until:

1.  I am able to eat within my caloric allotment and nutritional balance WITHOUT BEING MISERABLE

2.  I am satisfied with the intensity and sustainability of peace and energy that I feel in my relationships

Getting Out of Bondage

Before I knew all this I developed bad habits and was suffering in the Paradoxical Results of bondage.  Miserable place.  This is how I got out:

I learned/was taught (as a result of begging for help) all of the above

• calculated the correct amount of calories and nutrients for my body and my goals for it
• tracked my food everyday
• return to it if I begin to deviate again

Developed a Para-Symbiotic Relationship with a trusted individual

• replaced the pseudo source of peace/energy with a REAL SOURCE
• SPENT AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE with that Trusted Individual

Together we fought against that ID that was trying to take over the government inside of me instead of remaining in its more suitable position of deputy governor.

• Was aware that my body still would crave the pseudo peace/energy for a while because it was accustomed to receiving its peace in that way.  But in time, and it took time, its sensors for real peace/energy rejuvenated.
• Was aware that getting out was gonna hurt.  It wasn’t gonna be pleasant.
• Didn't listen to the following:  “Just this once.  A little won’t hurt.  You’re overdoing your restrictions.  You're over your addiction and you are back in control.  That is what being balanced is all about--having a little sometimes.”
• Because every single time I did listen to that, it roped me back into the addictive cycle and all its blood-sucking mentality.  And it took a herculean effort to get back out every time (3 Nephi 7:8).

I found someone who knows how to deal with me like this pretty well.  A Real Source.  A Trusted Individual.  His office hours are 24/7.  It took me a while to develop the intensity in the relationship I needed.  It's a journey to learn how to hear and feel him more rapidly.  He often communicates his peace and energy through some of his assistant Para-Symbiotic hosts. This is Jesus Christ. He is my Deliverer. He delivers us from our modern-day bondages.

• “Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden..."
• “My peace I give unto you, not as the world…”
• “Be still and know that I am God.”
• “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not..”
• “Ask, and it shall be given you…”
• "Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believingthat ye shall receive, behold, it shall be done unto you.”

Other books and resources that are in alignment with the teachings of our Savior Jesus Christ that I have found helpful in my own journey out of food addiction.

Grant Von Harrison “Drawing On The Powers of Heaven”

Dean Hughes “The Cost of Winning”

  

Rodney Atkins:  "If You're Going Through Hell"

Natalie Grant:  "Hurricane"

Heaven

Addison Road:  “Won’tLet Me Go”

Chris August: “Battle Part II”

Jefferson Starship: “Find Your Way Back”

Jim Dooley:  “ParallelUniverse” Note:  I have no idea about the video game this music was written for.  The music is amazing.

I am SO thankful to these "Para-Symbiotic Hosts"!!  In time I have become proficient enough to recognize HIS communication straight and rapidly which keeps me out of bondage.  I'm wholly comforted.  Every time.  And when he helps me to actually resolve the conflict, preventing me from getting into the same mess over and over again, the relationship incrementally develops from Para-Symbiotic to Symbiotic (Moroni 7:48).   The commitments he asks me to make are life-changing and keep my mind riveted on goals and purposes “so much bigger than me.”

Imogen Heap “Can’t Take It In”