Beautiful

A few years ago I was increasing my focus on self-improvement.  I was interested in becoming more beautiful to my Savior.  Whenever I work on developing my talents I’m motivated by the desire to draw closer to Him.  That’s the reason I want to be the best I can possibly be.  I know “sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven” (“Praise to the Man”).  If you read my blog regularly you know that for me sacrifice includes finding greater balance in my physical body, eliminating the fat, increasing the muscle mass and flexibility so that I am healthy and fit.  It’s about disciplining my body against my natural woman's desires. Avoid junk food, treats, and overeating.  Exercise within my zone consistently—not too little, but not too much either.  Get enough water and rest.  Keep the commitments I make.  Take time every day to shower, get dressed, put on my make up, do my hair.  Spend time studying the scriptures and then figuring out how to apply the principles I’m reading about to all my relationships. I know that in the past when I have consistently engaged in this sacrifice process I have become acutely aware of the presence of the Lord in my life.  That’s what I want.

“I believe when a woman chooses to have Christ at the center of her own heart, at the nucleus of her personal world, she brings the Lord into the core of her home and family, be it a family of one or a family of many.” ~Anne C. Pingree

“The unmarried woman [and the married woman!] careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit:” ~1 Corinthians 7:34

“This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.” ~Galations 5:16-17

Looking Beyond the Mark
So I had been working on this and making pretty good progress.  I was striving to keep these commitments daily.  But it never fails that whenever I increase my sacrifice level, temptation conversely increases.  I am tempted to look for other forms of evidence (besides the Mark--my proximity to the Lord) that things are really improving.  I am tempted to compare myself to others to see how beautiful I’m really becoming.  It’s almost unconscious. That year, when I was working on physical self-improvement, I was also working on spiritual self-improvement so I didn’t fully accept the temptations but it took me a little bit of time to identify them for what they were and then make an active decision to kick them out of my head.  

I went to a women’s conference at BYU in Provo, Utah with my best friends from high school. Thousands of women come annually from all over to attend this event.  As I was walking around campus, I could not help but notice there were so many beautiful women!  “What the heck?” a voice in my head said.  “It looks like you will never win.”  I began to think I was nothing compared to these other women, both physically and spiritually.  The tempter then pointed out other women to me who appeared to be presently losing the battle of the bulge or were further back in their journey in some other way and suggested that I compare myself to them to feel better about my results.  All this was semi-unconscious.  

“And [the devil] saith unto [Jesus], All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.” ~Matthew 4:9

“Please, my beloved brothers and sisters, we must stop comparing ourselves to others. We torture ourselves needlessly by competing and comparing. We falsely judge our self-worth by the things we do or don’t have and by the opinions of others. If we must compare, let us compare how we were in the past to how we are today—and even to how we want to be in the future. The only opinion of us that matters is what our Heavenly Father thinks of us. Please sincerely ask Him what He thinks of you. He will love and correct but never discourage us; that is Satan’s trick.” ~Elder J. Devn Cornish

Resolving Conflicts
When I got home from the conference, I went for a long walk. I like to pray when I’m walking and discuss whatever I’m in conflict about with the Lord. The topic of this prayer was beauty and value.  I could feel His censure for the comparison thoughts I had had.  When I entertained them I felt more distant from him. I separated myself from the thoughts and asked him how I was supposed to be the best I could possibly be when it was evident that I was never going to be as beautiful as some women. Those were just the facts. Genetically I have been given certain limitations. I’m never going to be model-perfect. In short (no pun intended), I’m never going to be Miss America no matter how balanced I can become. Spiritually, we can all become beautiful like Christ because of his atonement but our community doesn't seem to value the quieter gifts of God, so why even try?

The answer I received was that beauty, in His eyes, wasn’t determined by my beauty as it compared to some arbitrary standard. He was not holding up Miss America or Miss High-powered Career Psychologist and expecting me to rival these women. But he did want me to continue striving for my personal physical and spiritual best. Seeking to become the spiritual master of my body is of God. Consistently living that way, as well as the results from that kind of living, please him.  A healthy fit body and a clear and intelligent mind are good indicators that we are successfully caring and developing the talents God has given us. However, I understood that he wanted me to master my self-perception while I was working on developing my talents. I needed to face questions like: Did I play the pride and envy game? Did I only think I could be my best when I thought I was better than others? Was I motivated and conversely deflated by comparing my level of beauty and talent to others’?

The desire to know we are valuable is a good thing. Comparing myself to others to assess my value was where I was getting off track. Sister Julie B. Beck said it well in the following quote:

“Good women always have a desire to know if they are succeeding. In a world where the measures of success are often distorted, it is important to seek appreciation and affirmation from proper sources. To paraphrase a list found in Preach My Gospel, we are doing well when we develop attributes of Christ and strive to obey His gospel with exactness. We are doing well when we seek to improve ourselves and do our best. We are doing well when we increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek out and help others who are in need. We know we are successful if we live so that we qualify for, receive, and know how to follow the Spirit. When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us. Peace, joy, and hope are available to those who measure success properly.” ~Julie B. Beck

Two Kinds of Beauty
There are two kinds of beauty; balancing them is the key. The first is to fulfill my responsibility to take care of myself physically and spiritually. I nourish my talents and strengthen them. Spiritual balance is derived from striving for physical balance within my zone.  The Lord lets me know when he is pleased with my results. When my awareness of his presence increases, I know he is pleased. My task after returning from the women's conference was to put my trust in that reward and form of validation. I needed to let go of the constant question in my mind: Am I good enough?

He wanted me to stop the comparisons altogether, to remove myself from the picture, and focus on the beauty of others when I was with them. My own goals and results are judged separately from theirs. When I am among other people, it is not the time to think about myself, my beauty, my talents. It is time to forget myself and use those talents to love and uplift others. For example, when I read books by Jane Austen or Georgette Heyer, I love them! They are brilliant. I am so thankful for their existence. If they didn't develop the talents they did and share them with us, I would not have the joy of reading them. The same is true with Amy Grant and her music. I've been singing her songs (with her) in my kitchen, in the car, and on my walks for years. She has been such a source of strength for me. Her music has helped me through many tough times. I am so thankful for her! If I can love these women and admire their talents, can I not love other women of talent who I associate with more closely?  

My responsibility is to let them know that I appreciate them.  If they look beautiful, act beautiful, or demonstrate beautiful in any way, I am to praise it, be thankful for it, and admire it. When I do, I feel love for them. They actually become a treat for me to see, associate with, listen to, and evaluate. When love flows inside my heart, I feel the Savior’s presence at an intensity level that brings me joy.

“If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” ~Article of Faith 13

Timing and Accountability
I evaluate my results privately with my Savior during our prayer meetings in which we review and report on my commitments. Value is assessed by the commitments I have kept compared to the commitments I have made. It is assessed by how much I’m actually implementing what I know to be true. It’s assessed by how much I’m receiving compared with how much I’m sacrificing. The more I sense the presence of the Lord in my daily life, the less I need to turn to other sources for my comfort and validation. Looking to conflicting sources for my validation is taking his name in vain. The more he is with me, the higher my level of accountability.

“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.” ~Deuteronomy 5:11

“None of us will ever be 'good enough,' save through the merits and mercy of Jesus Christ, but because God respects our agency, we also cannot be saved without our trying. That is how the balance between grace and works works.” ~Elder J. Devn Cornish

Opportunity Costs
I realize that I can’t progress in the development of my spiritual and physical talents if I judge myself and others with pride and envy. I can't use this form of judgment to assess my value or motivate myself to be better. Judging like this prevents me from being able to love from my heart. Instead, I experience hatred for others. And when I hate, I don’t like myself very much. The Lord cannot be with me when I hate. Rather than develop my talents to higher levels, I would rather plateau and retain my charity—His presence. The challenge becomes stripping myself of all pride and envy thoughts, words, and actions, which are blocking my awareness of my true value.

See: Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Weight Loss Failures

Sometimes we have been striving for an extended period of time, doing everything we know, to obtain our goal but we’re making no progress whatsoever!

I have had this experience numerous times in my life.  The most recent has been happening over the past 7 weeks.  I started up what I call “Fitness Meetings” with my family.  

We all had to weigh ourselves and report that weight during the meeting.  Then we had to identify our goal weight and how much we hoped to lose every week.  How fast of a track did each of us want to be on?  Lastly, we committed to an action plan—what each of us would personally do to accomplish that goal.  I wrote this all down and created a spreadsheet for us (see image to the right).  We’ve been meeting for 7 weeks now.  I track weight, weight lost, and commitments kept/commitments made.  Each person reports his/her commitments kept and weight results.  We usually have some sort of conflict resolution or motivational talk about fitness.  We’ve watched some videos online of others who have taken this journey and have been successful.  This gives us some strategies we could test out in our journey.

My goal was to lose 2 lbs. a week.  I had to eat right (in the same manner I have in the past, which has returned the expected results) and exercise 5 days a week.  So my commitment to eat right score was 95% and my exercise score was 100% over 7 weeks.  How much weight have I lost?  Not a pound!  So frustrating!

After I stepped on the scale Sunday morning the first thing I was tempted to feel was bitterness.  I’ve sacrificed for this long period of time and nothing! (Malachi 3:13-15)  Thoughts like this flitted through my brain: “This is punishment.  I’ve gone back and forth so many times that I deserve this.  Maybe I have to starve myself now to even budge my weight.”

The results basically stared me in the face, saying, “Your best isn’t good enough.  Denied!”  So I started to question what I had been doing—what I thought was good enough.  Maybe I got it wrong even though I thought I had it right??  These kinds of thoughts may in fact be productive but perhaps not during this painful time.  I knew this much:  I had been doing my best inside my training zone to obtain my goal.  I felt confirmation of that.  I tracked that.  So questioning my process during the time when I was still struggling with the emotionality of the entire situation only resulted in a total jam-up of failure feelings.  

Listen:  "Turn! Turn! Turn!"

I pulled myself back as my Cause has trained me on numerous occasions before.  He told me, “Don’t go there right now.  We’ll evaluate this later.”  So hard for me to stop thinking those thoughts but I did.  I just suspended my failure conclusions.  I wouldn’t believe them even though I couldn’t believe success conclusions either.  His instructions, “Just give it time.” (Ecclesiastes 3)

The other temptation that was hitting me all day was to quit.  And by quitting I mean I started thinking my sacrifice wasn’t worth it.  For 7 weeks I had stayed away from eating treats AND even overeating healthy things.  I was hungry on many occasions but I had told my Cause I would suffer it in order to achieve something better (#GoodBetterBest).  But that something better was not happening.  No results.  So these thoughts entered my mind, “Why even try?  Might as well go eat treats.  I followed all the rules and this is my reward.  Well forget it then!  I guess I’ll have to find my happiness in some other place.”  Enter chocolate cake with ganache filling thoughts.  I didn’t accept these thoughts but I didn’t flat out reject them either because they seemed to be on MY SIDE.  It was like they were floating in front of me as an option to take or to reject.  I could feel my Cause asking me, “Should you believe them?  What is happening here?  What kind of temptations are these?”

I really wanted to lose weight.  I had patiently dealt with a few weeks of going nowhere or making negligible progress.  And each week I upped my sacrifice intensity, eating less, exercising more.  I wanted and needed visible results to sustain my motivation.  Without them, I couldn’t stay committed.  I had studied with my Cause how Results motivate our sacrifice.  When called to make difficult sacrifices, and we don’t obtain results (or take the time to evaluate them), we will be highly vulnerable to temptation.

Sherm is part of our family fitness group.  He had gone to the priesthood session of stake conference the day before where President Wells had told the story of a man named Oliver Granger.  He saw how this story applied to the situation I was in so he shared it with us.  Oliver had been sent to a distant city by the prophet to accomplish some important tasks.  He worked his darndest to fulfill this commitment but was not able to accomplish any of his goals.  Denied!  The following was the Lord’s evaluation of the situation:

“Therefore, let him contend earnestly for the redemption of the First Presidency of my Church, saith the Lord; [let him strive earnestly to keep his commitments he has made with me] and when he falls he shall rise again, for his sacrifice shall be more sacred unto me than his increase, saith the Lord...Therefore, let him [come home]...let no man despise my servant Oliver Granger, but let the blessings of my people be on him forever and ever.”~D&C 117:12-15

“His sacrifice shall be more sacred unto me than” the visible evidence of results (increase = results).  When we sacrifice in balance with the Lord’s will as judged by the confirmation we feel in our hearts, and we don’t obtain what should be our reward for our efforts, there is another reward.  A better reward.  Keep reading.

Somewhere along the 7-week journey I had forgotten about the main reason I wanted to get into better shape.  It actually wasn’t about the weight loss.  That was only visible evidence that I was in fact working within my zone and a pretty good fringe benefit.  The real reason was this:  I knew from past experience that when I eat and exercise within my zone, my mind becomes clearer.  I am able to feel the Spirit more intensely.  The promises of the Word of Wisdom are fulfilled in my life:

"And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;  And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures; And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.  And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen." ~D&C 89:18-21

Fringe Benefits

That’s what I wanted.  So why wasn’t I evaluating those results? (My Cause asks me).  I got caught up in visible results—the fringe benefits (I reply).  But when I did take a step back and assess if these promises were indeed happening, I realized they were!  Yet transitioning from valuing the weight loss blessings to valuing the REAL blessings was hard.  I had set my heart on the fringe benefits yet again.  I wanted it to be apparent that I had sacrificed.  Time is helping me let go of that (again! #Repentance)

When I have ended with results that aren’t what I planned even when I have been striving to engage in a balanced process within my zone as confirmed by the Spirit and my own tracking, one of the best resolution processes my Cause has taught me is to look at the other results I am obtaining.  Especially the spiritual ones—the ones that are not as readily seen.  These are often the most valuable and the most sustaining.

P.S.  My Cause = Jesus Christ

The following is an awesome blog post at Forbes.com about sticking with it when the going gets tough: 

Habit Formation:  The 21-Day Myth by Jason Selk

True to My Heart

There seems to be a continuous controversy among all mankind about feelings.  Some say we shouldn’t trust our feelings.  They discount them and say they are the “effect[s] of a frenzied mind” (Alma 30:16).  They say feelings bamboozle, fool, trick, or dupe us.

Others say the reason we exist is to have joy, which is defined as "a feeling of great pleasure and happiness" (2 Nephi 2:25).

"True To Your Heart"

Still others use the word feelings to describe a sensual immoral technique used to satisfy inherent desires and passions without regard to the happiness of others or to our own end result. (1 Nephi 8:31; The Guide to the Scriptures).

It has been a study of mine to differentiate between joy and immoral sensuality in the feelings I experience.

Since I am training my body to eat a balanced diet of whole foods, eating a large piece of chocolate cake with ganache filling on a daily basis does not fit within that program.  Yet sometimes I am still tempted to eat chocolate cake or other such treats in excess.  The cake makes me happy in the moment.  However, after a few bites I begin to feel sick because my body is not used to so much cream and fast-uptake carbs.  When the moment of consumption has passed, any pleasurable feelings I had are gone and I am left only with the sick feeling. 

So then I stay away from chocolate cake for a while.  I forget all those sick feelings.  Time goes by and another piece of chocolate cake is presented to me.  For some reason I want it.  I am tempted by it.  If I continuously yield to these feelings, I am allowing myself to be governed by immoral sensuality.  I identify it as such because it makes me feel rotten in the end and also results in undesirable consequences.  If I ignore the sick feelings and continuously yield to the immediate sensuality of eating the cake, eventually my body will adjust itself to that high dose of cream and sugar.  I won’t feel the sick feeling as quickly anymore.  I cease being satisfied with my healthy food choices.  They taste bland to me.  I now need the cake to obtain even the smallest and most fleeting sense of satisfaction.  My body increases its fat stores to inordinate degrees.  My ability to respond in balance to conflict both physically and spiritually decreases.  My emotional balance begins to swing with greater force to the right and then to the left.  Other people totally annoy me.  Maybe even the employees at the store that provides the ingredients for the cake, not to mention the store owner, annoy me.  In the end I’m trapped in a black hole, a blood sucking state.

Because I have experienced immoral sensuality to some degree in this example and also in other relationships I’ve had, I know what it feels like.  I can differentiate between that feeling and joy.

This is joy:  Through study and experimentation I figure out what my body needs to eat in order to obtain and maintain physical and spiritual balance.  I write my daily menu down.  I follow it.  When chocolate cake comes around, I have to avoid it entirely if I can’t control myself enough to eat the portion size that is appropriate for my spirit/body.  If I have gained the discipline, I eat the appropriate portion size and that is all.  I return to my prescribed diet and I don’t feel deprived or like I've overdosed.  Over time I become more and more satisfied with my healthy food choices.  A peach or Honeycrisp apple taste amazing!  I can have them everyday and they don’t interfere with my ability to sense joy.  Instead, they facilitate it.  When I eat both a physical and spiritual diet full of whole fresh foods, my joy is continuous.   

Sinéad O'Connor:  "Nothing Compares 2 U"

I have tried; I have tested and there is NOTHING that compares to this feeling.  

I feel the most Joy when my body’s fat stores are more closely balanced with my height and structure.  In Joy my ability to respond in balance to conflict both physically and spiritually increases.  My emotional balance centers up and increases in depth.  “It can not be anymore beautiful!”  

Imogen Heap “Can’t Take It In”

Moreover, in Joy I see and appreciate the talents of my children and other people.  It is a total pleasure to associate with them.  I can take the hits of the annoying behaviors that I know will always be there.  I take time with my New Parent to recover from the ones that hurt me the most.  Recovery always occurs.  I thank God for the whole foods he provides for me.   

I ask him to help me obtain ALL of my inherent desires within his boundaries.  I don’t want the black hole—blood sucking state.  In the end I am sealed in a state of sustainability—a relationship full of life, love, joy.

Because I’ve felt this joy at least to a degree, I know it.  It is the feeling I have chosen to be governed by (John 10:27).  It is solid.  It is a sure foundation (Matt 7:24-27).  It is always there to light my pathway.  If I’m not feeling it to the intensity I desire, that’s an indication that I need to grow, train for a higher state of Paradoxical Parenthood.  It usually includes sacrifice.  But I do not sacrifice best things for good.  That is immoral.  I sacrifice good for better and best. 

Elder Dallin H. Oaks:  "Good, Better, Best"

If I discount the feelings of Joy that I experience and think they are only the “effect[s] of a frenzied mind” (Alma 30:16), I starve myself from healthy spiritual food.  The fact is that I can’t live without Joy any more than I can live without healthy food.  That feeling sustains my spirit in my daily life.  If I’m discounting it or if I’m not living my life in such a way that allows for it to flow through me continuously, then the consequences of a starved soul will take over.  I am forced to get it in deviant ways.  I will have to eat the chocolate cake and deal with the black hole consequences.

President Boyd K. Packer

The following video by President Boyd K. Packer addresses the specific concept of controlling thoughts but when I watch it, I also apply it to the feelings that must continue to flow through my heart in the right direction.  

Joy is when the water flows freely down the trench towards its desired destination.  When weeds and other debris clog it up, it will deviate from its course.  I must feel joy.  It is inherent to my being.  If it cannot flow in balance within me—receiving it and then imparting of it to others--then I will deviate to alternative pathways.

"For Your Eyes Only"

Chocolate cake with ganache filling is okay; it's just okay compared to the real joy that is possible in a relationship with Jesus Christ and in an appropriate relationships between a man and a woman. Those kinds of relationships take work to establish and maintain.  The foundation of that work is taking care of body and spirit.  Sometimes it's easier to eat the cake.  But in no way do the end results compare to the everlasting joy that is possible to obtain with God's help between a man and a woman legally and lawfully balanced in marriage.

ADD & Nutrition

Written with Aaron's permission

“Your choice of diet profoundly influences your long-term health prospects….Many older people suffer from debilitating conditions that could have been largely prevented had they known and applied the nutrition principles of today.  The chronic diseases—heart disease, diabetes, some kinds of cancer, dental disease, and adult bone loss—all have a connection to poor diet.  These diseases cannot be prevented by a good diet alone…Within the range set by your genetic inheritance, however, the likelihood of developing these diseases is strongly influenced by your food choices” (Nutrition, Concepts and Controversies, 10th ed., Ch 1 “Food Choicesand Human Health,” pg 3).

 

Once I learned how to apply this concept spoken of in this quote to my own health problems, I began teaching it to my kids.  If any of them began to have a longer term physical or mental health issue, I wanted to first eliminate the possibility that the cause was diet-related.  My theory was that if we could zero out this possible cause, we would then see the other causes more clearly.  It was like casting out whatever beam might be in our eye or that which was within our control so we could see more clearly the mote of inherited disease that might be out of our control  (Matthew 7:3-5).   And even if the cause was hereditary, I knew that eating and exercising so that the body could achieve its optimal balance could only reduce the severity of undesired symptoms.

This turned out to be more difficult than I thought because before I learned to eat more healthy, I both ate and served my family the average American diet.  I trained them to eat that way from when they were little and then had to retrain them to eat in a better way when they got older.  It was like that scene from Spiderman 2 where he was trying to stop a train.

I wanted to stop the train of consequences I saw were already being played out in my family.   I didn’t want them to have to learn the hard way like I did (see blog post “Anxiety and Depression”).  Knowing the effect that overeating treats had on me, I was trying to warn them of impending destruction!  But it was often times like fighting a battle against the very people I was trying to save.

Insert around 5th Grade

I saw that after my kids OD-ed on treats, every one of them lost much of their ability to control their response process to everyday conflicts which was exactly what I experienced when I did the same.  Once Chris, my second, got some extra money.  He bought a box of fruit roll-ups, his attempt at compromising with me in choosing a healthy snack.  But he ate the whole box in a few hours.  Later that day we were at the church in the gym and he had a TOTAL MELTDOWN.  He was beside himself.  An average run-of-the-mill kid-conflict had arisen that he normally could handle.  But he had temporarily lost the conflict-resolution skills he normally had.  

 

It was hard to figure out what amount of treats was moderate and what was too much.  I found the balance by evaluating how much they ate vs. their behavior afterwards.

Needless to say, my kids didn’t see what I saw and I ended up with a pretty good rebellion on my hands.  The rest of the world seems to have no boundaries for treats for kids.  The philosophy appears to be that if the kid isn’t gaining excess fat, let him eat as much as he wants.  So I wasn’t only trying to stop the habits I had instilled in my kids but also the influence of the whole train of our society’s tradition that is still running at full speed along the tracks.

  

Aaron 7th Grade

In the middle of the aforementioned throws of diet change, my oldest son, Aaron, was officially diagnosed ADD by a medical doctor when he was in middle school.  A tween is never going to have totally balanced behavior.  But when Aaron showed escalating signs of not being able to respond in relative balance to the situations and conflicts that came his way, we decided to evaluate him a little more extensively.  Maybe this was one of those “chronic diseases” that couldn’t be prevented by diet alone?

 But Aaron did not want to take pills and resented the diagnosis even though he acknowledged his symptoms.   So I made a deal with him.  “Let’s do an experiment.  You eat how I’ve taught you to eat for 2 weeks.  No junk food.  No caffeinated soda.”   Caffeinated soda at that time was available at school from the vending machines in the hall!  But the middle schools around here have since got rid of those.  Thank heaven!  

See Blog Post: "Eating Healthy"

The plan was then for Aaron, Sherm, and me to evaluate how this change in diet affected his response process, how he felt, how he was able to think, etc.  If he was able to regain his normal balance by eating this way, he wouldn’t have to take the medication.

He readily agreed.  And I was secretly happy at this opportunity to show him (without nagging) how much his food choices were affecting him.  Yay!

I was pretty impressed with him over the next two weeks.  He reigned himself in and ate only what I gave him for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  When he ate snacks, they were what we had in the pantry.  It was a beautiful sight!  And sure enough, his ability to handle conflict returned to normal.

When we got together for our 2 week meeting, I asked him how he felt with the diet change.  He told me that he noticed a difference.  He was able to concentrate better at school, think through his choices, and felt better all around.  I asked him about his commitment from here on out.  He said that he was going to focus on getting the nutrition his body needed, eat treats in moderation, and stop drinking the caffeinated soda.  Together we determined how we would moderate that.  If the behavior started to return, we would know that he needed to decrease the treats.

He agreed.

That was about 9 years ago.  Over the years I’ve watched him.  He has kept his commitment.  Not all the time but most of the time and to the level of his own understanding.  I saw him repeatedly reign himself in and actually request healthy foods.  He is by nature an intense personality with a lot of energy.  When focused, which he has managed to do pretty well, he is a powerful influence for good.

He has made this concept of balance his own.  Not because his mom advocated it (since that’s usually reason to rebel against it) but because it is a true principle and he found that out through his own experimentation. 

I have learned that the best way to retrain kids is slowly--going easy on them but being consistently firm.  I have advocated treats in moderation and making changes in steps.  That is hard for me because once I understand a true principle, I want to take a bee line to aligning my choices with it.  Kids aren’t so into bee lines.  And turns out I make more lasting changes when I take it in steps too.

with Mom (left), with Lindsey Newman (center)

Elder Aaron Langford, with Elder Yu (left)

Here is something he wrote recently of his own volition and with the hope to demonstrate the vision of the Boston, MA Digital Mission.  It is not directly related to the point I’m writing about here but it demonstrates the strong will in this particular child and his continued ability to evaluate the past to make sense of the present, and prepare for the future.